


Element of Surprise

by Elvichar



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvichar/pseuds/Elvichar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Major Sheppard ponders the best way to approach McKay</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Corridors

**Author's Note:**

> If it's mostly from Sheppard's viewpoint it'll probably have US spellings. If it's from Rodney's it will have Canadian/British spellings.
> 
>  
> 
> **_"In military parlance, surprise ... is an element on our side."_ McKay, Seige II**  
> 

 

It wasn't immediate - not by a long way - but when he started to fall it didn't take long to fall hard.

Major John Sheppard was not new to this sort of situation. He was lucky it hadn't cost him his career. It almost had. Lucky in a way that those men had died. That was callous thinking, he knew that - but it provided a good excuse for the airforce to rap him on the knuckles, accuse him of something else, and keep him in spite of it all.

And it meant he still got to fly - the all important part.

Without that he was sure he would have quit caring long ago. Of course it also served as a warning: don't do it again, or you will be out.

In oh so many ways.

He didn't take orders well, either. Not unless he respected the commanding officer, and that was rare.

Over there it had been easier in a way - far away from home he could indulge in his more private passions more or less freely. It was only when the chain of command was altered that the powers that be decided they were not going to stand for his waywardness.

They took every opportunity to berate him. His longer-than-regulation hair was the least of their worries.

In a way it was a relief to have got out of there. It was more of a relief to have got the chance to leave the whole galaxy behind.

If the chain of command was understanding there was an awful lot more indulgence shown, he'd always found. And Doctor Weir was one of the most indulgent. He kind of thought she might have a little crush on him - he did that to the ladies. When he was interested in that sort of conquest it served him well. Sometimes. His heart was never really in it though. At one point he had considered becoming a gigolo. He had even tried it for a few months, just before joining up. Easy money and all you had to do was charm the older women. There was no need to be convincingly passionate - most of them just wanted someone to talk to, someone who would not complain if they wanted to go shopping or spend a night at the opera.

He didn't tend share his penchant for opera with his airforce buddies. Or anyone, really. That sort of thing would get you the sort of reputation he had managed to avoid (except for that one time).

This far from home, with fairly mixed company, he had sometimes considered letting the mask slip.

Then he would reconsider and carry on with the act - charismatic, devil-may-care and clearly a ladies man. He wondered if he was really fooling anyone.

The biggest problem with keeping up this pretense was that when an older lady started to show some interest he was plunged back into the role playing.

Chaya had been beautiful and charming and about as old a lady as he had ever encountered (how old was she, anyway? Ten thousand? Even older?) She smelled sweet and strange. There was a hint of decay there, and he had known there was something not quite right. But she had obviously been interested in him - any fool could see that. Ford had seen, Teyla had and Rodney had definitely been aware of Chaya's attraction to him.

If it hadn't got such a big rise out of Rodney he probably wouldn't have responded to her. He took it too far - he knew that now - but it seemed like an innocent enough diversion at the time.

She wasn't hurt in the end. He wondered whether she had ever really been capable of that sort of emotion any more.

Unfortunately, Rodney had been. John hadn't meant for that to happen. Not really.

Rodney was hurt and upset and he had kept on with the charade - it was somehow gratifying to see him react so strongly. Showed there may be hope in the situation.

After all, they were very far from home. Inhibitions were bound to get worn away eventually.

And he was the chain of command now.

The situation definitely signalled a change in the power dynamics. Up until then Rodney had been snippy and tense, and it was kind of fun to yank his chain.

Afterwards there was something more to play for - because it was clear to everyone that there was something behind all that tension.

When Rodney got the chance to test the waters a few weeks later - he didn't take it. It was more fuel. He had seemed relieved when told he should sleep before making a decision. As though he had got off the hook - it made John even more certain that there was some chance.

He also knew then that Rodney would never make the first move. Not with anyone.

John, on the other hand, was an expert at first moves. He had a motto: make the move and then regret it later. It wasn't a very good motto, but it had seen him through.

And it was time to get in there. If he could work out how to corner Rodney without spooking him, he would have done it already.

John leaned against the wall and waited. Rodney was going to come around the corner at any moment - John knew this because he had radioed to him a few minutes before.

"Dr. McKay , you need to get here now," he had said, trying not to sound too nervous.

"Wh... why? Is it something dangerous, Major? Should I bring back-up?"

"No - it's something you should see. No need to tell Ford or Teyla."

"You want me to attend a clearly dangerous situation alone?"

"I said it wasn't dangerous. You need to see this."

"But you're not going to tell me what it is I need to see?"

"Rodney, just get your ass down here, now."

"There is no need to snap. I'm on my way."

Rodney's footsteps were distinctive. John waited until the last minute then pounced. Unfortunately Rodney moved his head just at the vital moment of impact.

"Major Sheppard!" He yelped. "What the hell do you think..."

John pulled away. The look on Rodney's face was shocked, surprised and definitely confused. He began to wonder whether he had misread the signs. It wouldn't have been the first time.

"I took a chance. Looks like it didn't pay off. " John shook his shoulders, pulled away and grinned as though he hadn't just done something crazy, ridiculous and clearly misguided.

"You tried to kiss me!"

"Did I? Yes, I suppose I did."

"What were you thinking?"

John shrugged. "I thought you'd want me to."

"You... I... uh...."

"Should I just go. Or...do you want me to try it again?"

"Could you give me a minute?" Rodney turned and walked away.

John stood there, still grinning. He wondered whether he would be stuck like this for ever. It seemed the easiest thing to do. If he didn't ever leave this corridor, if he just pretended he hadn't done what he had just done, then maybe time would stop, maybe even go backwards.

"Major," Rodney didn't turn around. "If I take the transporter up a level, then come back the way I just came we could probably do that properly. Don't say anything. I'll just be a minute. If you're not there when I get back I'll know you've changed your mind."

John carried on grinning.

He hadn't expected that to work.


	2. Rules

"Don't you have rules about that sort of thing?" Rodney had been meaning to ask for some time. After that one isolated incident nothing more had happened. The Wraith had been on their way and it seemed in poor taste to start anything personal. Then re-enforcements from Earth had arrived, and it looked increasingly unlikely that anything more was ever going to happen.

Until just now when Sheppard... He could be completely wrong here, but he was pretty sure Sheppard had just blown on his neck. It seemed as though this was going to be the best opportunity he would get to clear the matter up properly.

"Of course I have rules. I have rules for everything." Sheppard leaned back against the wall and grinned.

"No, not you – the... the military, air force, US government, whatever? You can't just go around willy nilly doing whatever you please, can you?"

"Willy nilly?" The grin turned into a smirk.

"Must everything be an innuendo?"

"No, I don't think so." Sheppard appeared to be considering the question seriously. "Hmm. Let me see 'does everything have to be an innuendo'?" He scratched his chin.

Rodney sighed. "OK, forget I said anything. It's obviously impossible to conduct a serious conversation with you." He strode away down the corridor. He was right, he had been wrong. Sheppard was just messing with him.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps, and a plaintive cry of "Hey! We hadn't finished with the talking, Rodney."

The footsteps quickened and Rodney felt his arm being tugged. He set his mouth into a hard line and turned around "What?" This was a very quiet part of Atlantis. They hadn't even explored most of it – but Rodney was still afraid someone might see them, or hear them and get the wrong idea. Or the right idea. Whatever.

"Rules. Yes. If you want a proper answer, there are rules. And regulations – the whole shebang There are also ways around rules. It's a very ambiguously worded thing."

"Ambiguously? My, that's a big word for you so early in the morning..." he wanted to call him 'major' but that wasn't his rank any more, was it? 'Colonel' stuck in his throat; it seemed altogether too military. So many things had changed around here lately and he wasn't sure he liked most of them. It altered the whole dynamic.

Sheppard ignored the insult. "Ambiguity is my middle name, Rodney. You must know that by now."

"I thought your middle name was 'Annoying'." As biting satire went, it wasn't very well constructed, Rodney realized, but he was a little flustered after what had happened. And knowing Sheppard's newly-found propensity for innuendo (propensity for a lot of things) he should probably avoid saying the 'stuck in his throat' thing out loud too,

"I memorized some of it from the last time – DoD Directive 1332.0: 'Under the particular circumstances of the case, the officer's continued presence in the Armed Forces is consistent with the interests of the Armed Forces in proper discipline, good order, and morale of the Service.' I'm a morale booster. It's probably because of my sunny disposition. Everybody loves me."

"What? That's ridiculous."

"Well, they must. Black mark against my name and still they promote me."

"After sending you all the way to the other side of the universe!"

"Ooh, that stings."

"Anyway, Elizabeth told me that 'black mark' was something to do with disobeying orders. Trying to save some fallen comrades or something," Rodney snorted.

"She did, did she? I suppose everyone knows about that?"

"Rumors get spread."

"Clearly,"

"So, wait – you're saying that's not what happened?"

John Sheppard looked at him, right in the eye. "I'm saying, it's not an insurmountable obstacle."

"Did someone get you word-of-the-day toilet paper or something?"

"Cute. As a matter of fact the real reason I'm still here is nobody believed me. I did tell them, but they thought I was trying to get out of active duty. Which was baloney. Then they transferred me to Antarctica."

"Wait – you told them and they thought you were bluffing?"

"Well, like I said, very ambiguous."

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Well. I am not."

"Not what?"

"Not interested."

"And you think I believe you?"

"Put it this way – me and you, it's clearly completely absurd. It could never happen in a million years. So, you know what I am saying?" Rodney curled his lip smugly. He hoped Sheppard would catch his drift.

"Ah." Understanding illuminated Sheppard's face.

"Precisely."

"So, that thing with Chaya... you want me to do more of that sort of thing." It wasn't a question.

"All the damn time. Oh, by the way, could you stop by my quarters tonight – I need to talk to you about something. I'm not really asking, and I'm not telling, you understand."

"Pursuing?" Sheppard smiled slowly.

"Would I? See you later." Rodney skipped the rest of the way to the transporter. The shoe, it seemed, was on the other foot.


	3. Kiss and Kin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Major Sheppard ponders the best way to approach McKay

It was odd being genetically superior. No, not superior – just different. He had always suspected there was something peculiar about him. Even as a child he didn't feel right. There was a chasm between him and the other kids. Nobody could cross it.

Now he was in another galaxy and he wasn't so different anymore. Dr Beckett was a kindred spirit – from that first moment they had met. Maybe before.

John suspected there was some sort of connection between all the people with the ATA genes – it might explain why Carson had aimed that drone straight at his helicopter. Jack O'Neill had the gene too, didn't he? He had hinted as much on the way back to McMurdo afterwards.

So, yeah, he got on well with Carson. He was like a cousin.

Rodney though, Rodney had chosen to be different – gone out of his way to get the gene. And from the second he had got it John felt a connection to him too.

He wondered if that was the key to the Chaya thing – why he had been drawn to her – and why Rodney had had such a visceral reaction himself.

It wasn't something that could be tested. Probably not anyway. Maybe Carson had some sort of idea what caused it – he had discovered the gene after all.

Maybe he too had felt different as a kid. Maybe it had been the same sort of different. John suspected he was right, but he wasn't close enough to Carson to test the hypothesis.

Rodney must have had a similar experience. It seemed strange that in embracing the thing that had separated John from others Rodney had actually found people who were like him. He had adapted. John couldn't help but admire that in the man.

He hoped Rodney got the same sense of belonging he himself had out here in the Pegasus galaxy.

Maybe that was what the warm feeling in the pit of his stomach was all about. That feeling he got when he looked at Rodney. Although, John seriously doubted it.

He didn't really think of Rodney as family. Well, perhaps a kissing cousin.

Emphasis on the kissing part.

John knocked on the panel door. It seemed the polite thing to do. He hadn't bought flowers or candy, there were none available – and it might be a bit of a giveaway – but this was effectively a first date.

The panel swung open and John had enough presence of mind to jump away before it hit him.

"Rodney! Why didn't you warn me it swung outwards? I only just got out of the way of the thing."

"It swings both ways actually. Sorry about that."

John smirked. "It does, does it?"

Rodney opened his mouth, slightly flustered. "I think there's a fault in the mechanism. You never know which way it's going to go. It is at least 10,000 years old after all. I was going to fix it, but I didn't think it was a problem until now. And other things took priority."

"What?" John frowned. "I wasn't expecting a debriefing about the mechanics of Atlantis."

Rodney stepped outside. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Walls have ears."

"Oh."

"Maybe you should just come inside," Rodney said quietly, then (far louder),"Yes – the door is broken and I thought perhaps you could help me fix it while you had a moment."

He pulled John through the open panel and it swung shut behind him.

"I don't really know anything about doors, Rodney."

"I know that you idiot – it was a diversionary tactic."

"Remind me not to let you plan any missions."

Rodney said nothing to that, which was unexpected. John had expected a snappy comeback of some sort.

The pupils of Rodney's eyes were huge – there was almost no blue. John thought back to all those 'drugs are bad' lectures he had been forced to sit through at school, college and (every couple of months it seemed) in the air force.

"Have you been taking something?"

"Other than my usual anti-histamines, no. Why?'

"Your eyes look kind of odd."

"Odd – odd how?"

"Dilated. Like you're high or something."

Rodney sighed. "Pupils dilate for all sorts of reasons. I am not exactly a biologist, but maybe it was some sort of reaction to seeing you. Things get bigger."

"I'll say."

"Will you stop!"

"I haven't even started. Why are you so tense anyway?"

Rodney walked to the other side of the room, wringing his hands. "Maybe this is a bad idea. You and me are not exactly a match made in heaven are we? And people may start to talk."

"Do you care? Besides – as you pointed out earlier, nobody's going to think we are doing anything. It's ridiculous. You're on my team, I am helping you with your door. We're just hanging out. Haven't you ever just hung out?" John realised that he probably hadn't, Rodney didn't strike him as a 'beer with the guys' sort of guy.

"I've never done anything like this before. I have never wanted to." Rodney sat on the edge of the bed.

"Never wanted to hang out?"

Rodney looked up. "The Wraith could come back any day. It's not over. We shouldn't be relaxing for a second."

"Who's relaxed?" John certainly wasn't feeling anything like relaxed – certainly not now.

"It's so confusing."

"Well I'm certainly confused. If this is still part of your diversionary tactic, maybe I was wrong. The Wraith wouldn't stand a chance against you."

"Do you think someone standing close enough to those doors could see silhouettes of the people inside? What if we start something and there's a back light. I don't want to become part of a shadow puppet show,"

"We could turn off the lights."

"I don't really want to turn them off. I prefer looking at the other person. Besides – I think turning off the lights might be even more suspicious."

"We are planning to do more than talk tonight then?" John quirked an eyebrow. "Isn't this all a bit sudden?

"Sudden?" Rodney snorted, "It's been going on for months."

John sat next to him on the bed's edge. "How broken is the door? It's not going to open on its own is it?"

He felt Rodney's hand on his back. "No. I don't think so."

Suddenly John's mouth felt dry.

"Can we just start it now?" Rodney said.

There was a hand on the back of his neck, a firm hard mouth pressed up against his. A flicker of a tongue. He kept his eyes open, and so did Rodney. The pupils were even bigger. He pulled away briefly and smiled.

"Why are we stopping?"

"Things are getting bigger." John reached out and grabbed Rodney's hand, moved it into his lap. "We'll just do the rest of it non-verbally, shall we?"


	4. Objects Moving in Space

He couldn't stop thinking about it. It had been ... interesting.

Zelenka was working on paperwork nearby. Rodney glared at him; he was supposed to be catching up with his own paperwork, but last night was still playing on his mind.

The kissing and the touching and ... so on.

It had been a long time since the opportunity had presented itself. A very long time.

Just a shame that Rodney's fears had been legitimate - almost as soon as they had got started they had been interrupted. There was an emergency; Zelenka needed Rodney to come to the lab 'right now'.

If Zelenka himself had been the one doing the interrupting then Rodney was sure he could have come up with a reasonable explanation for why he couldn't possibly come, and why he was red faced and breathless, and why there was a senior member of the military (what was Sheppard now? Tactical Air Officer (Afloat)? Rodney had very little idea of Sheppard's official role these days) skulking around in his room looking equally flushed.

Unfortunately Zelenka had sent a minion - he was too busy containing the emergency to come himself.

The minion (Rodney wasn't good with names, he had no idea what the man was called) had seen John Sheppard and smirked at Rodney before any well-thought-out explanation could be forthcoming.

"I am just showing Colonel Sheppard some schematics," Rodney blurted. "Can't this emergency wait?"

"No - that's why it's an emergency," the minion insisted. "Maybe you can carry on with your schematics later."

There was a definite hint of acerbity in the man's tone. Rodney was going to make him pay as soon as he found out who he was, what he did, and whether he was liable to spread any (completely unsubstantiated, of course) rumours. And they really would have no grounds, because barely anything had happened before the interruption.

He had traipsed all the way to the lab, only to find that the 'emergency' had been contained. Zelenka was looking smug, relaxed and self-satisfied.

By the time he got back to his room Sheppard had gone.

 

At lunch he did his best to maintain a laissez faire attitude. The tried and tested "I love blondes" routine was bound to do it.

"So Samantha Carter - have I ever told you about Samantha Carter? Beautiful woman - she looked at me and she said..."

Zelenka peered at Rodney over his glasses. "Yes, Rodney, I have heard. Can we please not hear again?"

"I'm just saying that..."

"Yes, you're just saying you have had much experience with beautiful women. We all understand, very impressive, she sounds delightful." Zelenka nodded sagely.

"Yes. You're clearly quite the ladykiller," Kavanagh added.

Rodney put his fork down with a clatter. "Fine. I'm sorry if I bored you."

"Really?" Zelenka's eyebrows were raised. "Thank you for apologising at last."

"It was sarcasm."

"No? Was it?" Zelenka smiled and looked back down at his food.

"I am sure I haven't mentioned Carter for quite some time, I was using her as an example of...of..."

"Of your many conquests?"

"Yes! No! It was nothing to do with that, I was going to go on to talk about differential equations and how they can be used to calculate the integrity of wormholes - stargate mechanics - nothing to do with the woman herself, I mentioned her because it was pertinent."

Zelenka frowned. "Why do you think differential equations will help?"

"Er... Um... ." This wasn't good. He was losing his ability to think straight. He looked up and was relieved to see Sheppard. "Sheppard - hey! Over here - join us," he yelled across the canteen. Maybe hiding in plain sight might be a better tactic.

Sheppard looked at him and nodded curtly. Dr Beckett was right behind him.

"Carson. You too, come eat with us," Rodney shouted, even louder

Almost everyone in the canteen seemed to be looking at him now. Rodney pretended not to notice.

"Orthogonal trajectories!" Rodney said suddenly. "Hah!"

"Ah. Fine," Zelenka conceded. "For a second I thought we were talking about something else entirely. My mistake."

John put his tray down on the table. "What were you guys talking about?" He said brightly.

"Special relativity, apparently," Zelenka turned to Kavanaugh. They both smirked.

"Ah. My favourite kind!" Sheppard beamed, winking at Rodney.

Carson looked bemused. "Physics isn't really my thing. Maybe I should excuse myself."

"No. Sit, Carson. It was nothing technical," Zelenka said. "Really. We were talking nonsense." Zelenka shot a meaningful look at Rodney. "Weren't we?"

As usual Teyla was eating alone. Rodney considered asking her to join them too, but if everyone was going to start picking on him he had no reason to think she wouldn't join in. They had never really connected - she was more Sheppard's friend than his. Although perhaps that was a good reason to get to know her better.

Then again, maybe there should be some people with whom he maintained a purely professional relationship. The pool was getting smaller.

Sheppard sat down at the end of the bench. "Shift up Rodney." He squeezed into the narrow space. Rodney gulped as he felt the pressure of Sheppard's thigh up against his.

This was going to be hard.


	5. Tangential

They were both aware of it; the way certain people in Atlantis were watching them whenever they were near each other.

It didn't stop John from making excuses to visit Rodney in the lab, or hanging around with him whenever either of them got a second of free time after a mission.

Rodney wondered if the man had no shame. Then realised that he was glad he didn't. He liked the visits, the frisson between them, the unmistakable feeling they were doing something they probably shouldn't be doing.

Trouble is they weren't actually doing it. Not even close - because they were both so very aware of the watching. And things were getting a bit too hectic, frantic and other words ending in 'tic' lately.

Although Rodney couldn't think of any other 'tic' words off-hand. Maybe it was like orange and nothing rhyming with it (which he was kind of glad of - he suspected that if chocolate _did_ rhyme with orange it was likely he would be allergic to that too. And that would be a tragedy more epic than Oedipus).

Exhibitionistic, frenetic and lunatic... yeah. Those too. There were probably at least 4816 'tic' words. All of them applied.

As did angry and hungry. There were definitely no more more 'gry' words anyway. Apart from puggry, aggry, ahungry and the other 11 - and they hardly counted.

Rodney had noticed that John wasn't so brazen as to do anything that might be misconstrued whenever Colonel Caldwell was around. Which wasn't so very often, really. It did hint that at least Sheppard's sense of self preservation was partially functioning – and about time too. It had seemingly been on the fritz for as long as Rodney had known him.

If the man had one tenth of Dr Beckett's caution or a millionth of Rodney's very sensible prudence then maybe he wouldn't keep getting into so many life-threatening situations.

Alas, Rodney feared, he was picking up all Sheppard's worst traits and influencing the man himself not one iota.

"Hey!" a familiar voice came from behind. Rodney had not heard Sheppard sneak up on him.

Rodney was momentarily startled and tried to cover the fact that his hand had slipped while he was trying to prise a circuit apart with a disposable pen and had just stabbed himself in the soft tissue between his thumb and index finger. It stung, but there was no way he was going to let Sheppard kiss it better – not when Kavanagh was no more than two metres away looking smug about something.

And that was another thing – he couldn't bring himself to use Sheppard's name anymore. He had taken to calling him Sheppard even in his most lurid fantasies – the ones he was desperately trying not to have. Especially right now; but he didn't know how to address him in public anymore. Should he try to call him Colonel, when at the rate this was going he would have to probably have to start calling him General within the week? Or airman if they decided to demote him as low as he could go without getting rid of him completely.

Boy, would he like to see Sheppard go as low as he could go. Rodney mentally berated himself for going there. _Stop it._ he called down to his nether regions. Hah! As if his anatomy ever listened to his brain.

"Oh. It's you." Rodney coughed. "And ... to what do we owe the honour of your presence? Bored of pulling pigtails?"

"Just came to see if you were free. I finished up all I needed to do and I thought you could do with a break too."

"Still rather busy.... Er...um... Colonel." He decided now was as good a time as any to let the epithet roll round his mouth. Rodney's thumb was starting to throb and he desperately tried to stop the unbidden pictures from forming in his head. Either of them. Maybe two brains would explain his formidable intellect – and the whole mind of its own thing.

"You don't look busy. And I checked with Zelenka – he told me you were all going through a fallow period." John's grinned expansively and Rodney's smaller brain started throbbing along with his thumb. Maybe it would be best to just get the hell out of the lab now before he did something embarrassing in front of Kavanagh. Though he reminded his primary brain to have words with Zelenka next time he saw him.

Rodney edged towards the doors. "OK, Colonel, we'd better go and see to those... schematics," he said loudly, trying to ignore Kavanaugh's sniggers.

Once they were a good distance away from the lab Rodney allowed himself to relax, Slightly. He was going to come up with a better diversionary tactic than 'showing Sheppard some schematics' if this went on much longer.

"Colonel Sheppard..." Rodney prepared himself to launch a tirade about impropriety.

"John. Just John," John said soothingly. Calmly. That smile...

"Yes, well, I think we'd better go somewhere a bit further away. Quickly. I need to... erhm... get things off my... uh...chest."

"That sounds promising."

"Really quickly!"

If anyone had seen the two men running down the corridors they might have assumed there was some sort of big emergency. They would have been right.

"Here!" John stopped abruptly, too soon to stop Rodney from ploughing into him and pinning him against a door. "Oof! I think you just knocked the wind out of..."

The door opened suddenly and the rest of the sentence was lost as Rodney and John fell into a small room – Rodney sprawled on top of John in a way that would do nothing to stop the rumours that were no doubt flying around already.

"Well, I didn't realise you were _that_ keen," John spluttered as soon as he had recovered his breath sufficiently.

Rodney said nothing – just laid there, trying not to move at all. He was sure that the slightest thing would set him off.

Unfortunately, John tried to get up, and his leg hit a rather sensitive spot. "Oh!" Rodney yelped.

"What – are you hurt?" John lay back down looking straight up into Rodney's very wide eyes.

"No. Not... exactly." The words were difficult to form. "Can we... um... just lay here for a while?"

John grimaced. "Oh."

"Indeed."

They lay sprawled together for a few seconds, glancing at each other, slightly embarrassed. The footsteps were inevitable. They stopped outside the open door.

"Oh. Hi," John said brightly, craning his neck up towards the shadow in the doorframe

Rodney was stock still now – even his mouth hardly moving as he said: "Who is it?"

"We were, just... uhm... I was just showing the doctor the best way to overcome an opponent if he's ever cornered in a dark alleyway." John stood up awkwardly, half pushing Rodney up with him.

"Really? Well who was winning?" Elizabeth looked at them both wryly.

"He was," the two men said simultaneously.

"Oh, well, carry on, gentlemen. I would hate to get in the way of any important training exercises." She nodded at them and walked away.

"What was she doing here?" Rodney whispered.

"I don't know - but she clearly doesn't suspect a thing."

"Oy!" Rodney rolled his eyes.


	6. Chain of Fools

Sheppard was still upset about Ford. Rodney knew that, but there wasn't an awful lot he could do about that. He missed the Lieutenant as well, but Sheppard was taking it personally.

It was that military 'never leave a man behind' thing, Rodney supposed. He respected that, but if Ford didn't want to be found, then he respected that too.

Carson was acting a little strangely lately too - overly concerned about Rodney's health. A little too touchy-feely. Rodney wondered if he hadn't cottoned on that there was something going on between him and Sheppard, or else the medic was all too aware and trying to sabotage it for some reason.

In the last few weeks, since the trip back to Earth, everyone in Atlantis seemed to be trying to stake their territory in different ways. And the atmosphere was very tense.

That Sheppard hadn't made a move until just after the Daedalus went back to Earth that second time said a lot as far as Rodney was concerned.

Sheppard was obviously still trying to get a grip on the new chain of command.

He was the new sheriff around here, for all intents and purposes.

Rodney fondly imagined him with a great big white ten gallon hat, a lasso and chaps. It was a shame there wasn't a costume shop anywhere in a twenty-billion mile vicinity, else he might suggest Sheppard try it on for size.

Everyone was moping and sullen though. The Wraith hadn't been spotted lately - they must have been decimated by the Atlantis attack - although they would inevitably pop up again before long.

Things were stagnating. The new personnel were a novelty, but there was still a divide between them and the old guard. A definite division, Rodney thought.

The tension had grown incrementally in the last few days. Perhaps it was because the Daedalus was due back again soon, and Colonel Caldwell along with it.

Rodney was also terribly afraid that Sheppard might have only made all those moves he had made out of boredom, (mixed with the territorial/cowboy thing). Maybe now he would start scouting the plains for a few more attractive steer. Or, even more, worrying, an attractive filly. Rodney still wasn't sure where Sheppard stood on that - the man seemed to stride a whole border. That Chaya thing had been ambiguous at best.

There was a definite new air of confidence around the newly promoted Lieutenant Colonel - if he started pushing the boundaries of what was allowed, who knew what he would do.

And of course this could all be a colossal joke, with him as the punchline.

It wouldn't be the first time that had happened.

He trusted Sheppard. He probably trusted him a little too much and he sincerely hoped everything was not going to come crashing down.

Yet one more reason to try and be as discreet as possible about this.

If only Sheppard didn't keep provoking him, in front of everyone.

This meeting for instance. The man was sat at the other side of the table, and still he was going out of his way to be distracting - with his stupid hair and his big, slighty wonky eyes and his five o'clock shadow at 1.15 in the afternoon (or 1315 hours, whatever he was supposed to be calling this time of day. They still hadn't had lunch yet and this latest discussion was not helping Rodney any.)

"Rodney, I need your input on this whole situation," Sheppard, the Lieutenant Colonel, whatever he was today, said; glancing over with that oh-so-sexy smirk. The one that could mean anything and probably did.

"Well, as I have already made abundantly clear, as long as we get the chocolate ones and nobody tries sneaking any lemon popsicles in, I'll be happy."

"Gentlemen - we have to have some perspective here," Elizabeth said sternly. "We can't expect the Daedalus to be our own personal candy store. There are more important issues at stake. Candy is the least of our worries."

"Well I disagree," Sheppard sat back in his chair. "It's a morale issue. If my men don't get a few of the old familiar items, they'll probably mutiny, and then where will we be?"

"OK," Elizabeth sighed. "We have three sorts of Mars bars - British one which don't have any almonds in them at all, bizarrely,"

"Proper Mars bars, Elizabeth, " Carson interrupted.

"I think you'll find you're talking about Milky Way," Sheppard said.

"No - they haven't got caramel in them and they're too small. They're for tiny wee children."

"No, you're thinking of 3 Musketeers," John said.

"Yes, quite." She had no opinion on the subject. "Also Canadian Mars Bars which are, to quote Rodney 'bigger and better than any of the inferior American ones'. And the American ones, of course."

"I believe they're called Almond Snickers now, Elizabeth. Just to clarify," John said wisely. As if this was some sort of ground shattering revelation.

He winked at Rodney - Rodney looked down and started scribbling furiously. He hoped everyone else would think he was having some sort of epiphany about naquadah reactors. If anyone were to look at the pad the cartoonish drawings of Wraith draining a strange stick figure with a cheesy grin and preposterous hair might cause them to think Rodney was feeling just a tad stressed at the moment.

"Oh. Really? It's years since I had one," Elizabeth admitted.

Rodney bit his lip and tapped his pen. He was determined not to be drawn back into this absurd discussion.

"And don't forget to put Cadbury's chocolate on the list. Dairy Milk. And a lot of Green and Black or Lindt - proper dark chocolate is incredibly good for you," Carson chipped in.

"Yes, it's on the list, Doctor Beckett. As are Almond Joys, Snickers, and some of the Australians want us to put..." she looked at her list "Tim-Tams down."

"Make sure we get some of those Wintergreen Altoids," Sheppard looked up at Rodney at that point and grinned broadly. Rodney dreaded to think what he was planning to do with those. It was a good job he hadn't asked for Citrus Sours anyway - because he would be getting more than a tongue lashing if he had. Or rather, he would be getting no tongue lashing at all.

"But if I were you I would put some sort of veto on Hershey's Kisses - if somebody kissed me and they tasted like that I would probably vomit on them; they taste like baby sick," Carson made a face.

"I think most of my men would lynch you if they found out you said that, " Sheppard said. "Although I will give you the benefit of the doubt, seeing as you weren't brought up on the things. Maybe it's an acquired taste."

Rodney wondered how Carson knew what baby sick tasted like. Then again the man had been a medical student at some point and medical students were legendary for their stupid stunts and inane dares. He wouldn't be surprised if the man had eaten a bowl as some sort of initiation ritual.

"Ooh - put down Marmite as well!" Carson said suddenly.

"Marmite is not candy," Rodney protested, unable to hold back any longer.

"No," Carson mumbled, "but it's important."

"Not as important as candy," Sheppard nodded sagely, "Am I right, Rodney?"

"You never struck me as someone with a sweet tooth, Colonel, " Elizabeth smiled. "You're surprising me a lot lately."

Sheppard's face remained impassive, but Rodney was sure he himself was blushing. That whole door incident was something he did not care to repeat in front of witnesses. He was glad Elizabeth hadn't mentioned it again, but she obviously knew what was going on.

"Well candy is a very versatile foodstuff, Elizabeth. Good in an emergency, and it keeps my men happy."

There was a palpable silence after that last comment. Rodney was inordinately glad nobody had glanced at him.

"I'll bear that in mind," Elizabeth said, eventually.

"Why didn't we get any of this stuff when we were on Earth last?" Rodney said, frustration and hunger winning over.

"There wasn't any room, Rodney, you know that." Elizabeth said calmly. The priority had been scientific and military equipment and new personnel.

Rodney was still pretty sure they were only having this discussion to get to him. He wasn't sure why or how - but he had a feeling there was a conspiracy afoot. They were all against him. They were clearly using his love of chocolate to taunt him - and Sheppard was the ring leader.

"If you'll excuse me I have important work to attend to." Rodney gathered up his papers and left. They were all gaslighting him! If they succeeded in driving him mad he would get very mad indeed.

 

Twenty minutes later he was lying on his bed, trying to have a power nap. He heard the door swish open but decided to pretend to be asleep already. If playing dead worked with bears, maybe it would work against ridiculously hairy, newly-promoted air force personnel too.

"I know you're not asleep, Rodney," Sheppard said. "When you sleep your mouth tends to hang open. You'd probably have drool all over your face, too.

Rodney sat up abruptly. "That's a damn lie."

"Hah. Knew you were faking. Why did you leave so suddenly - we were having fun in there weren't we?"

"How was that fun?"

"The metaphor thing," Sheppard sat on the bed.

"Metaphor?"

"Sex and candy, all that." Sheppard's eyebrow quirked upwards.

"You are not honestly telling me you were using that discussion as an opportunity to flirt?" Rodney threw his arms up.

"Not getting many chances to do anything else lately am I? You've been avoiding me."

"I have not - you've been avoiding me ..." Rodney considered sharing the cowboy thing with Sheppard, but he wasn't sure if it would go down well.

"How have I been avoiding you?" John protested. "You're the one who's been snippy. I thought it might be low blood sugar - that's one of the reasons I was trying to get all the candy delivered."

"So, what, you're planning to elevate my mood by sending me on a massive sugar high, after which my mood will plummet and I will be even more miserable than I was before?"

"Well, no - it would be better if you rationed yourself and didn't eat it all at once, obviously. But I thought you liked candy."

"It's overrated."

"Oh." Sheppard sounded confused.

"If you want to break it off, I'll understand." Rodney swung around and tried to pull his left sock on.

"Oh," now he sounded deflated. It was amazing how much meaning he could put into one little word, really

"After all, you were never really taking this seriously, were you?"

When Rodney turned back around to look at Sheppard the anguish on the man's face was remarkable.

"Oh," Rodney said. It was his turn to be meaningfully monosyllabic. He reached out his hand towards the Major. No, not the Major. Crap. One day he would remember. "John." He said softly, and sighed. Yes, calling him John would solve an awful lot of the forgetting his name thing. "I..." Rodney brushed John's cheek. It was rough and smooth at the same time.

John jumped slightly, but his expression ceased to be so desperate.

Then he grabbed Rodney's hand and kissed the back of it, tenderly. "I think we've got lost somewhere here. Let's start this all over," he smiled.


	7. Too Much Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: Everything up to and including _Runner_

When Major Lorne had asked him what Sheppard saw in him he had struggled not to say: "Have you seen my behind?"

The Major clearly thought it was odd he spent so much time with John. Everyone was noticing. Rodney had been struggling to keep calm lately but how the hell was he supposed to do that with constant threats to his life, perpetual sunstroke and new questions from all the new people? They didn't get him the way John got him - nor were they likely to.

And he was constantly aware that the more erratically he behaved the more they would question his relationship with their commanding officer - but the more he became afraid of that the more bizarrely he was behaving.

Major Lorne wasn't even appeased by the comment about foregoing reproduction, Rodney noted. He hadn't bought that for one second.

He couldn't stop himself. He was trying, but every time he tried to act the hero, for John's sake, he ended up looking like a jackass.

He had started to bite his nails again - a habit he thought he had dropped on his eleventh birthday, just after his piano teacher rapped his knuckles for having such disgraceful fingers. Everything was a struggle these days.

He had thought things would be easier now they were in regular contact with Earth - but there were even more issues to occupy his mind now.

Hanging upside down in a tree - he hadn't planned on that one.

And that big man - the handsome, angry-looking one. He hadn't expected John to invite him back to Atlantis. Maybe the man... what was his name Roman? Rohan?... had bonded with John back in the cave. Of course Teyla had been there too, hadn't she? Maybe he should ask her if she noticed anything suspicious. Maybe - oh, let it be so - Teyla had asked for him to be brought back. She probably liked him. That would solve several potential problems at once if it were true.

Oh, if only it were.

Colonel Calwell was another problem. Rodney didn't really like the man, he couldn't put his finger on the problem. Maybe it was the glares he kept giving John whenever his back was turned.

This last trip from Earth he had been more abrasive than usual - and someone would have to be incredibly abrasive indeed before Rodney started to notice.

John didn't want to talk about it all, though. He remained his usual buoyant, slightly goofy self, at least whenever he thought Rodney was watching.

 

"We're going to have to be more careful," Rodney had whispered when he got to talk to John (at last) after the debriefing.

"Rodney, I don't want to puncture your enormous ego or anything, but I don't think anyone really believes you and me would ever be together. I don't think we need to start panicking just yet." He felt safe saying that since it had been Rodney who had made the point in the first place. It was Rodney's justification, after all.

"What, you're out of my league now? Since when? That didn't bother you up until now, did it? You were perfectly happy to procure chocolate for me and proposition me in dark alleyways - may I remind you that you made the first move here."

"It feels like I'm making all the moves!" John said tersely.

"Fine. Whatever. In that case I think we should cool it off for a while. I am sure that enormous wildman you captured would be more than glad to take my place. I need to catch up on all the paperwork I've been neglecting while I waste my time gadding about trying to rescue you. Something which seems to earn me nothing but derision and ridicule from all and sundry, by the way. I'll see you later. Maybe."

John opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by a warning hand. He looked at Rodney aghast.

"Am I...?" The Lt Colonel started.

"No. Not going to discuss it. Work. And I need to make more sunscreen - if you and Romulus need any, then please don't ask me." With that he strode away.

John stayed where he was, wondering when he lost control of this whole situation. And what the hell he was going to have to do to get it back. Clearly it was going to take more than just candy.


	8. Tell it to the Marines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for everything, especially Duet. May need some knowledge of what happened to make sense of some of it. It's the aftermath.

Sheppard was there when he woke up again.

"What are you doing here? I thought we'd said all we needed to say," Rodney sat up a little too quickly. He was glad Laura Cadman was no longer inhabiting his body, but he was finding it hard to co-ordinate his own muscles for some reason.

"No. We haven't said anything at all. Although as you've started seeing other people..."

"Yes! And what of it - I hear you've asked the big scary man to stay." Ronon was, against all reason, still in Atlantis, still being all handsome and virile and showing everybody else up.

"That's different - he's going to be a valuable addition to the team."

Rodney gasped. "Oh, so he's replacing me everywhere now is he?"

"What? McKay, you and he are not built the same way - you're more the brains of the operation."

"Well at least we're clear that's not you. I suppose you're going to ask Lt Cadman to join you as well are you? May as well usurp me everywhere."

"You're the one who started this - and no - nobody is doing any usurping." John held his hands up in frustration. "Okay, well this isn't getting us anywhere. Clearly you've made your decision - about everything. You're going to carry on seeing Dr Brown as well are you?"

"No."

"That's it - just 'no' - no explanation, no rationalization?" John had expected Rodney to say more - a lot more. Considering what happened in front of everyone. Although it was clear he wasn't going to get any acknowledgement out of Rodney. Anyone would think it had never happened.

Rodney thought back to the last few days - he knew he wasn't fooling anyone least of all himself. Katy had visited him in he infirmary to make her excuses. She didn't feel up to pursuing the relationship - especially after Laura Cadman had told her who was really doing the kissing that night. Carson was also looking at him funny. And, yes, maybe Rodney had to admit, he had been more in the moment there towards the end. He was trying not to go there.

Cadman was the only one scoring lately.

He shifted in the bed, uncomfortably. "I... maybe I was being a little extreme... if you want to ..."

There was a glimmer of hope at least, John was relieved, but he didn't want to show his hand too soon. "I do - but you are right about Ronon. Very impressive man."

"Just for fighting though - right? Not for anything else?"

"He's a little intense, McKay. Let's just say I have a feeling I'd be using my spine for a scarf if I ever tried anything. Besides I think he's got his eye on Teyla."

"So, let me get this right - you would if there was any chance of it happening?"

John shrugged.

"I am just the consolation prize. Yet again." Rodney sighed, arms crossed.

"Yet again? I am not even going to go there, McKay..."

"Stop calling me McKay."

"It's your name, isn't it - and unless you give me a reason to call you something slightly more intimate ... Would you prefer 'Snugglepops', perhaps? Or..."

Rodney looked around the infirmary nervously. "Stop it."

"You've been doing a lot of kissing lately, haven't you - you want to make it three for three? Or should that be four for four?" He waggled his eyebrow. Rodney wasn't entirely sure what he was getting at, specifically, although the general intention was clear.

"Not here!" Rodney warned.

"So that's a 'yes' then - meet me in your quarters in an hour. That's an order, McKay. Carson says he's ready to discharge you now, anyway. Don't go practicing on him again in the mean time though." John gave a mock salute and smiled. He had left before Rodney could get in a rejoinder.

Rodney looked after him - mouth slack. Clearly he was slipping. Although he was extraordinarily glad he hadn't blown this. He smiled as he contemplated what else he could blow before the end of the day. "Crude, Rodney. Very very crude," he said aloud. Ack - he was going to have to stop talking to himself - now Laura was safely back in her own body he had no excuse anymore.

 

John opened the door cautiously - the last thing he wanted was concussion from getting hit in the head by McKay's still defective door panel. McKay's mental trauma was enough to be going on with for the moment.

It was probably just as well Ronon was a 'look don't touch' kind of guy, John decided. After all, he had a good thing going with McKay, all things considered. He didn't want to let that go just yet. And if Rodney kept on trying to screw this up by kissing everybody else in Atlantis in public except for John, then that was fine. He could live with that. It provided a little amusement - light relief in the face of inevitable death.

Rodney was good at light relief. Oh, yes.

 

Rodney was just getting dressed when Lt Cadman came in.

"Hey, McKay - you decent? Don't bother trying to cover up - you know I've already seen it."

"Cadman - haven't we had enough of each other for a while?" Rodney said tetchily.

"Sheesh - I see I haven't succeeded in improving your manners with a lady."

"I'm sorry - it's just I have a pressing appointment." Rodney continued to dress. If she was going to stay, he decided not to make any concessions.

"I just wanted to say I hope you get what you want. I could feel how ... uh ... confused you were in there."

"Well, that's just dandy but I think you got the wrong end of the stick."

"No, I really didn't," she smiled. "I, er, I bumped into Lt Colonel Sheppard that night, while you were asleep. I don't suppose he told you, did he?"

"I... um... no.. did he know it was you?"

Cadman gritted her teeth and forced a smile. "I don't think he did, no. And I think he must have been a bit tired because I don't think he remembered I was in there at all."

"Oh. Oh dear. Did he.. did I.. did any of us do anything that could be misconstrued in any way?"

"Well, let's just say that there are quite a few people - me included - who are never going to see our CO in quite the same light anymore. He sort of - well. I have to say I had no idea until then. Really. You two have been really discreet. Really."

"You didn't kiss him too, did you?"

"I might have. But really, McKay - don't be jealous. He didn't know it was me. And he was so keen to get back together with you. I really think you should give the guy another chance. I shouldn't even be saying any of this - but, you know, we - you and I - we've been very close these last couple of days, haven't we. And I think the damage is already done."

Cadman put her hand on his shoulder. Rodney left it there - it seemed churlish not to.

She looked at him intently and continued. "And, you know there are rules, but ... I didn't have to ask, and he, Colonel Sheppard I mean, pretty much told everyone in the gym. And there were a lot of really tough, mean guys there. That Ronon Dex looked a bit put out though."

"Wait - he kissed you - me - in front of a whole room full of marines?"

"They're not going to tell anyone."

"Well, they don't need to tell anyone if they all saw!"

Cadman smiled again, awkwardly. "Well, you may as well just go for it the both of you. There's nothing stopping you now."

Rodney blinked. Everyone on Atlantis must know by now - and nobody had said a darned thing about it to him. He picked up his jacket and brushed Cadman's hand off his shoulder.

"Maybe I'll see you round, Lieutenant. It's been fun. I'm sure."

Cadman nodded. Rodney left hurriedly - but she stayed behind. He briefly wondered if she was really there to talk to Carson - but it was absolutely none of his business now and he had business of his own to attend to. Urgently.

 

He opened his door and it was a relief to see John inside. He was sitting on Rodney's bed, with a picture in his hand.

"Hey - did you take that off my wall, Colonel?" Rodney glanced at the empty spot where the picture had been hanging until very recently.

"I like it - can I keep it? You have that dolphin smile in it - it's kind of cute."

Rodney was thrown by that. "Um... sure. I want a copy made though, that's the only one I have and it's rather precious... You want a picture of me, though?"

"Well that's what people do when they're together don't they - keep pictures of each other?"

Rodney didn't question that one - there were other matters to discuss. "I heard what happened. Cadman told me."

"Oh," John looked sheepish. He had been hoping Cadman would keep quite about that particular incident - it had all been embarrassing, to say the least. But if the damage was done, he might as well roll with it.

"In front of everyone!"

"Yes. They're kind of sworn to secrecy though. They're good men and they won't say anything compromising."

"But you're prepared to be compromising in front of witnesses."

"I was desperate and I thought it was worth it. I needed to make you see that it doesn't matter. I don't care what happens."

"I think you do - they could send you back."

"Rodney - I talked about all this when we were back on Earth. To... many people. It's not an issue any more."

"It's not?"

Sheppard smiled. "It's really not." He wasn't going to get into the whys and wherefores right now. He got up and walked over to where McKay was still standing, right by the empty spot on the wall.

Sheppard's hand on his cheek was warm. McKay looked up at him - he really needed to be in control of this situation for once. Sheppard was thinking the exact same thing.

Simultaneously they both leaned in for a kiss.

And then neither of them was in control any more. Neither of them knew how they got to the bed, but they were there, clothes already half off, lips jammed together then separated.  
Tongue on chest. Chest on chest. Hand on thigh. Tangled up.

McKay's hand reached out to Sheppard's hair. Sheppard let out a low groan,. Rodney's mouth on John's left nipple. John's hand on Rodney's crotch. Somebody's mouth somewhere else entirely.

Then, for then next hour or so it was anyone's call.

As they lay back, squeezed together in Rodney's narrow bed. John's arm around Rodney's shoulder, neither would have been able to tell you exactly who did what to whom and how.

But they knew why and, it seemed, so did everyone else.

Maybe they should do this more often.

End


End file.
